Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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