Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Operation Purity has been aborted
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
