I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I love you.
Bad choice
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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