oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
