we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
