That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
