wakey wakey hands off snakey
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
