My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
