God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize