Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
