I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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