btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
