Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
