Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
