When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
