giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize