"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize