I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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