I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just had sex on a roof
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize