I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
bring money and cleavage
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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