You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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