His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you didnt know i had herpes?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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