Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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