two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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