Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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