so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
