I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
