New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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