I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
