I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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