I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize