there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
