you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
