we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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