I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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