tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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