If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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