before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
