yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
