Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
