Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
