Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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