I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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