So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
