don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
