can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think i got beer on your cat.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
