He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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