I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize