since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
