you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You can't motorboat a personality
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
