put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
