i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
