That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
