Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
