Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
