im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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