Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
