noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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