Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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