How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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