He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
