If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
