Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
