I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
