Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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