I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Are we still banned from the library?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
