I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This show inspires me to have sex in space
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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