I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
