you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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