You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize