I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just had sex on a roof
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
