Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
