I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
